Somethings DO CHANGE!!!!

3 months ago today I walked out of prison….and like everything else I feel as if it was yesterday and forever ago! Tomorrow I will walk into bay port high school and tell my story to the freshman class. I can not begin to tell you how extremely nervous I am! But man what an amazing feeling…see in the eyes of the courts I paid my debt to society, in all reality I did not. I took so much from my victims and even more from my community, I took that peace of mind from them…..but bad things don’t happen in little ol howard suamico….o yes they do and are happening today as we speak.

All day I have been going over in my head what to say to these kids….remembering how I was at that age…..i was untouchable, couldn’t tell me a damn thing, because I already knew everything! Really all I want to do is tell my story…not that this will happen if u drink or smoke weed but that It CAN happen. That addiction is real and can ruin ones life. Never did I want to grow up and become a junkie, but I did, and that shit landed me in prison and took years away from not only me but my loved ones…years ill never get back or years that il never be able to give back to those I love. So how do I reach these kids?...how do I warm them of the double bladed sword that they play with on a everyday basis. All I can do is share what happened to me and that I was one of the lucky ones. My life doesn’t have to be theirs, that they can walk a different path and not have a shadow of doubt or the feeling of a urge so powerful that it still today can put me to my knees with tears in my eyes. As much as im attempting to do this for them, the truth is I am still selfish and doing this for myself…I wonder if they will ever know that doing this is what it takes for myself to stay sober.  I want change and this is the only way I know of it, if anything…..even if the only change is keeping my own demons at bay and keeping me off the streets looking for the next high..well then, that has to be change right there…right? I know I can only do so much, say so much, write so much…but I truly believe if more people come forward with their own addiction…not hide  from it or hold that shame in their hearts…man what a powerful thing it can be. I know addicts I know drugies, they are a motivated group of people….nothing can or will keep them from their passion…good or evil. They are sly and cunning…just like this addiction….so  cunning, if we only used this power for good. Then could we make this change that I know so many want. Do u know that this is only becoming a bigger problem, are ur eyes open to this fact? That nothing will change unless we get to todays youth, Im not saying go on a crusade…im saying open up to these kids. Tell them u know what its like to want something so bad even if that thing is ruining ur life. Or that uve seen someone first hand get put into the ground because of this! Its awareness that we need, we need to tell these kids that we understand…that they are not in trouble or a bad person! That someone cares, that we get it…being a kid is hard now days…hell of a lot harder than when I was a kid and certainly harder than when our parents were kids….sometimes I feel like these kids go right from toddlers to adults and maybe every generation feels that…but wtf  heroin in bay port…cocaine at every weekend party…the prescription pills that flow the halls like skittles! It kills me to think of that, then to  know that I have two brothers there…god its scary! And yet it would have been my paradise as a teenager walking those halls…that’s why its so messed up! At that age u just don’t get it and if u do….well like they say….everyone is doing it! And they are prolly right at least to some degree. Look all im saying is let the awareness out…that we do get it, we do understand the pressure and all that comes with it. Please don’t make me fight this battle alone…I love narcotics anonymous to death but I don’t want to be anonymous…im proud of where I came from, the struggles I endured and the fact that at one point in my life I prayed for the addiction to win…I did, all I wanted was for death to sweep me away and never wake up…but it didn’t! Iam here today to change not only myself but just one kids life… to not have to  walk in my shoes! It doesn’t have to be that way for so many of our youth!

Change is coming I feel it in my heart and no we prolly wont see it on the whole! The news doesn’t play the success stories that it should,  but thats ok… I know tomorrow that ill see it in those kids faces, ill hear it in their questions! I can not wait to begin this voice of hope ,if  everyone reading this would stand up against this… like they do cancer, aids, hunger relief, natural disaster, domestic violence…and all of that is  worthy of ur fight but we also have a fight that no one wants to discuss a fight happening in our back yards…people still want this behind closed doors, kept in interventions and rehab programs, both very good tools but I think we can do more, we can shout from the tree tops that WE GET IT! That it happens and its never to late for help. Someone is hear to listen and atleast say I understand! I have that hope, and I always will!

So 3 months ago today I walked out of prison….to be perfectly honest I didn’t want to leave! I was safe there, I knew what I was suppose to do everyday and I was getting recognition for making changes! U don’t get that so much in the real world, its expected….hell when my dad comes into work and I don’t get yelled at im on cloud nine because I know that’s his “way to go son”!! really that’s ok I find recognition in my own goals that I accomplish, no matter how small, they were started and even more importantly.. they were finished the right way.  I owe a lot to my incarceration, infact I owe it my life…only then did I see what needed to change in my own life. Now everyones bottom is different, and to some im not even talking addiction…im talking happiness…what is it? Hell if I know but I search everyday for it and to me that’s all that matters. That I push forward and just don’t let life take me in ITS direction….i don’t predict my future any more, I now create it! To me that’s all happiness really is…its about not being stagnant and thinking this is all it will ever be! Move forward if ur not happy, change it, don’t give up, don’t shut up, don’t not ask for help, people want to even if its just so they don’t have to think about their own problems for a moment….and wow isn’t it nice to know that other people have problems, that it can get worse. that today really isn’t that bad! Its how u look at it! Take control, make a difference even if its small, I know some of the smallest words of advice have had the biggest impact on my life and for that… I thank all of u!

As always stay positive!

Always,

Douglas