I received a letter today from my cuz-Abby. She informed me about my blog letting me know how many views and some of the comments… Kristen… Thank you so much for your kind words. By the way your opinion will always matter to me! Always! So much of what you said hit home, you really hit the nail on the head. The writing that I’ve started has been my tears in here! See you can’t cry in prison… you just don’t do it. It’s not even a weakness thing… its disrespect to the other inmates! Someone always has more time or something worse going on. So you keep it pent up. These blogs have allowed me to let go and “scream” as you said Kristen.
Did I have bad influences in my life? Yes, I did but my addiction is on me. Have I gone through some shitty things in my life? Yep, but who hasn’t?! The 100% truth about my addiction is I did drugs because I liked getting high… I loved it! I don’t do much that I don’t like. You know why I don’t play in the road? Because I don’t enjoy being hit by cars! But somewhere along the line I stopped having fun, but by then it was too late. That’s where the insanity comes in. I knew there was a problem... Hell, you don’t rob a pharmacy, then go home and watch yourself on the news for 5 days and then march into another one! Believe me I knew I was powerless over my addiction… I was an addict not a fucking idiot.
The post last night (the previous post)… well I was angry. I almost got up this morning and tore it up. But like anything I don’t regret it! I was pissed last night and that’s OK.
Kristen, you really made my day today! Thanx, you’ve always been a good friend. Forgiveness is CRAZY! For so long I couldn’t forgive myself, I used to say how can God forgive me when I can’t forgive myself. What a powerful thing forgiveness is. Haha makes me want to cry. J I look forward to making new memories with you too… can’t wait. Again, thank you!
Aaaaaaaah… The place I live! HaHaHa. Time for a funny story! Every day I look around and laugh at the people here, I think to myself where are these people on the streets, why don’t I ever see people like this out there? And then it hits me… they’re in prison that’s why I don’t see them! Ha. Anyway, last November a guy came onto our block, he was 50 something years old. The reason for him coming to our unit was because he just got out of the hospital. Story goes… He took a granny smith apple and put it in a certain orifice of his body… I’ll give you a hint; his nickname quickly became Apple bottom. Haha… call me mean but that’s funny. No bullshit… he put an apple up there and it got stuck! He had to go to the ER and have surgery! So don’t worry society your tax dollars are hard at work, removing fruit from people’s asses! Ahahahaha, too funny. Man, this guy would get treated daily; one of my guys even tied a string to an apple and to his door knob. I work 3rd shift, sanitizing the showers (yes, I know hell of a job) but I’m up late and the guards used to wait until like 2 am to have him come and get his meds and creams for his war wounds. I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to. This place is crazy!
I was also able to see what my mom posted. Thank you mom, your words were very kind. I know she says I’ll be out in 6-8 months and I may be, but I think it will be more like 10-18 months. Hope for the best and expect the worst. I’m just doing my time and trying my best to get into my programs. When it comes down to it… it’s up to the system. So for now I live day by day and continue to better myself by getting my head ready for the streets… just trying to get to the top so I can finally scream FUCK THE WORLD. On drugs or sober I still love that saying. But that’s just me.
I talked to my mom tonight; she said she just got done reading my post to my bro Mitch and my sis Alyssa. Of course the only thing Alyssa had to say was… he only mentioned me once! J Haha so Alyssa this next part is just for you… let me tell everyone about how lucky I am to have a sister that supports me 100%! This little girl is 12 years old and I really believe she has her head on better than anyone in my family, not to mention she is damn loyal. I mean what 12 year old really wants to come and sit for 3 hours a week in a prison visiting room? My sister does, whether she really wants to or not is probably a different question but she has never missed a visit. That’s probably what makes her my favorite! J Haha. Alyssa you be my star in the sky. You have such better things to do… friends, parties, sleepovers and man… even boys… wow does that pain me and scare me to say all at the same time. I’ll be home soon enough to fight all the little boys off… God knows I can’t leave Andrew and Mitch up to it! Andrew can’t put the video game controller down long enough to know what month it is. I swear he only knows what years it is by the most recent Madden Football game that’s out. And Mitch can’t stay out of the hospital longer than a week. Seriously, Mitch has broken both of his wrists and now his leg, plus has a torn ACL. All in 8 months. I really think Mitch is starting to so it on purpose… See every time Mitch comes with a cast on or in a wheelchair… well I get strip searched when I leave the visit. Of course he thinks that’s the funniest thing in the world! Anyways Alyssa thank you for all you do for me, who would have thought that my lil sis could give me such strength? Just remember that I’m just fine and you can be that kid that you deserve to be, enjoy your childhood. You are an amazing kid and you be my sister. Always remember… one family. One love. Love you sis!
Till next time
Douglas
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