Written: 4/22/12
No price is too high to pay, for the privilege of owning one’s
self…
Not only have I met friends in here but I’ve met people e
who I consider brothers. They are made up of a group of men who have much
different backgrounds than I, while others understand what it’s like to grow up
in the suburbs. These guys don’t look at societal background, they don’t look
at color. We have an understanding between us, we are all locked up doing time.
I have a saying in here… Partners in crime, Brothers doing time. These
gentlemen are my brothers… They whole heartedly understand what ts like behind
these walls. They understand that I want to do good when I get out, many want
the same thing. One such friend just left last week after being locked up for
10 years. His name is Torrey, but everyone including myself called him Cooper
or Coop. Cooper didn’t want to go back to the streets, he wanted a better life
for himself and his son.
Before Cooper got out, I told him I’d do everything in my
power to help him adjut to “small town” living. The way I thought I could help
him most would be trying to set him up with a job interview, not a job but an
interview.
I talked to Cooper tonight for the first time since his feet
hit the free world. I was super stoked to hear that the interview with my dad
and him went well. I had already talked to my dad a few days prior and already
knew about it but I wanted to hear his version! Coop went on to thank me and
tell me how much he appreciated everything… I had to stop him short and thank
him myself. At first I think he was confused by this but I went on to
explain. I put myself out there with asking my dad to do this favor for me. See
my dad and I have most definitely had ups and downs in our relationship. But
for the first time in a long time I feel like he’s proud of me. My dad really
showed me that by giving one of my brothers in here a chance. Not a guarantee,
but a chance. He showed that he was ready to put some trust in me. I saw something
in Cooper that you don’t see in just anyone in prison, I saw a drive, he knew
that it was going to be tough when he got out. He wasn’t afraid, nervous of the
unknown… maybe, but never afraid. He just needed a chance. Cooper I have given
you nothing but my friendship. You will earn everything else. Nothing
in this life that is worth anything is easy, but I think you already know that.
I wish you nothing but the best my guy… I look forward to continuing our friendship
in the world.
Tonight was very rewarding to me! The past with my dad has
been really hard, our relationship was not healthy. I made mistakes ad so did
he. Neither of us handled things well. It was late Jan. 2011, I was in Dodge
awaiting sentencing in my new case. It was around 7 ppm and they were coming around
with mail, they passed my cell and slipped a piece of mail through the door.
Excited I grabbed the envelope and turned it over. There was an embossed
envelope with the La-z-boy emblem on it… At once I felt sick. It was my 1st
contact with my dad since I caught my case and here he was reaching out to me.
See when I got locked up I really thought “well, this is it, any progress that
I’ve made lately is gone.” I knew in my heart that he was going to finally wash
his hands of me… his fuck up of a son. So I opened the letter and after that 1st
line all my worries disappeared. In my hand was a letter from the man who
raised me. I’ll always remember that 1st line. “Douglas, this letter
is long overdue. I want you to know how much I love you and want you to know
how sorry I am that I didn’t do something sooner.”
Tonight was a reminder of everything that I’ve gained since
being locked up. A reminder of the most important thing in my life… my family.
One family, One love.
The relationship I have with my family is absolutely
amazing. That relationship really starts with my mother. The things that both
her and I have been through could only be described as nothing else but
special. My mom and I are extremely close, almost too close! Haha. Boy I wish I
had some secrets from her. I’m a momma’s boy 100%. I will forever be her little
boy! And I’m OK with that. She has always given me my strength and confidence,
has always had my back, even when I was wrong. Don’t get it twisted she could
be tough too! All she has to do is look at me wrong and I’ll put my hands up in
surrender. Some people in my past have used the words weird or
even sick to describe her and my relationship. Thinking back to those comments
well I can only laugh. My mom is great in every way… I couldn’t be more proud
to call her mom. Has she been one of my enablers? Yea, probably, but you got to
understand… I was one hell of a manipulator! I know when I bled, she hurt… When
I smiled, she felt joy and so on. I can’t fully describe our mother/son
relationship but after everything is said and done, well, I wouldn’t change it
for the world!
I may be back but with everything I’m going to achieve, none
of it would be worth it without my family by my side. We all lost sight
of that at one point in time. But let’s forget the past, we were all wrong
at one point and time. And we most certainly handled it wrong. Even after
everything we still stand as a family. Let’s never forget that!
Love you all so much!
Always remember… one family, one love!
Always,
Mom- Your baby boy
Dad- Your golden boy
Douglas
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