Written: 4/30/12
It’s really starting to hit me that I’ll be going home. I
mean I’ve always had hope that I’d go home early. But I always told myself that
programs are not for sure and you will then have to do your entire sentence.
That would mean I go home Jan. 11th 2015. Believe me I know I
still have to complete this program but I know with every part of my being that
I will not fail this program. So I’ll be home soon… really soon and I’m
freaking the fuck out!
I’m having feelings that I haven’t felt in years. As crazy
as it may sound… it’s the feelings of joy or even of love that is giving me the
most trouble.
I’ve been able to deal with everything in here without
batting an eye… all that time I was facing… no problem! Getting clean… hardest
thing in my life but what made it easy was the fact that I wanted it. Even the
tie I was sentenced to… day at a time, 1 day or 10 years, I’m going to do it
and be better for it. But ow I have all these amazing people coming back into
my life! I’m in contact with them through the mail and phone! I have this joy
and excitement in my heart… it’s so overwhelming that it almost hurts. I can’t
shake the feeling. Some of the letters I get… I read them 10 or 20 times.
I recently received a letter from someone who I was
extremely close to. I haven’t been a part of this person’s life pin years… yet
we picked up as if we hadn’t missed a day. When I heard her voice… it just made
shit so real for me! Here we were making plans for when I got out, and it's
not these hypothetical plans like it’s been over the last few years. I can
finally put a date on these plans.
Holy shit! I am terrified! I don’t even know why or what
about! Man, all I can do is smile and laugh; I shake my head and put on the
radio.
Maybe I’m just realizing that there really is a light at the
end of the tunnel. That I just wasn’t feeding myself bullshit so I could make
it through this place. Happily ever after might actually be a real thing!
Emotions1 Man they can be a bitch. All I can do is put it on
paper… this is my outlet, my way of screaming.
I’m going to be a basket case when I get out. Haha. Again I’ll
be fine… I’m just going to stick to the plan. Take it a day at a time and do
me.
To everyone: Thanx for all the support and new emotion. Can’t
wait to show you all how much it’s meant to me!
Always,
Douglas
No comments:
Post a Comment