I'm On the Front Line

Written 4/20/12

I’m on the front line

Don’t worry I’ll be fine

The story is just beginning

I say good bye to my weakness

SO long to the regret

And now I know that I’m Alive

Im on the front line

Don’t worry I’ll be fine

The story is just beginning

I say good bye to my weakness

So long to the regret

So now I see the world through diamond eyes!

-And again just some great lyrics…

Over and over I’m asked the same thing… what’s it like in there? Prison is a world of its own. Right now prison is my life that’s the reason why so many of my blogs have to do with prison or the reason why I ended up here… For me its hard to write or even think about the real world. I know the real world exists but to me it does not. Hell I don’t even dream about the real world. I dream about people from it but all my dreams are in here or in the yard! Fucked Up! These blogs and your responses are about as close to the real world as I get. Where I’m living it’s not the real world, you pay rent in the real world. Haha. It’s crazy because within these walls is a fully functioning “mini city.” It has everything from schools, library, hospital, police, fire station, laundry, restaurant, main kitchen, sanitation crew, maintenance, and politics. And every type of religion and church. Plus all the support groups that you can imagine. But in this city you have rules that the DOC (Department of Corrections) govern and then the rules of the convicts. You could even go as far as saying there is another set of rules that has to be followed because of all the different gangs. The thing is you have to play by all the rules because the penalties can be equally as dangerous just in different ways and on different levels. What I mean by that is.. you follow the un-said rules of the convicts/gangs because the guards cannot protect you… even if they wanted to, and trust me they don’t. Then of course you have the DOC rules, the hard part with them is they can change from guard to guard. Now for the inmate that has nothing to lose those rules don’t matter as much, but on the flip side of the coin it’s the inmates that “have nothing to lose” those are the ones who strictly enforce the convict code… It’s nothing to an inmate who still has 20 years to do to beat the hell out of you for a simple disrespect. Respect is EVERYTHING! Man, I cannot stress that enough. People do not play in here. A simple slip of the tongue can earn you an ass whooping. There are a few words you can never call someone in here unless you’re ready to fight and if you’re called that name and don’t do something about it… well that’s exactly what you’re looked at as in here! The 4 big ones are bitch, punk, pussy, or fag. Those are automatic fighting words.

Now for someone like me… I’m trying to go home early, to go home early I have to get into my programs but if you have a minor ticket, let alone a major, well that shit can derail you. And if you go to the hole… well you can just go ahead and push your program date 6 months to a year back. So I walk a thin line I don’t look for drama and I’m truly trying to mind my P’s and Q’s around the guards. Plain and simple I’m trying to go home. Just trying to do my time and go home. I pray that none of my loved ones or friends ever have to fully understand “this life.” Because it’s no way to live, right now I just exist like I’ve said in other posts… I’ve never feared for my safety. It’s way more of a mental struggle. Some can handle it. Some can’t, just like in real life.. It comes down to choices…

Before I forget, everyone wants to know how the food is… I’ve had better! J Haha its prison so no it’s not great but I’ve also had worse like Brown County Jail by far the worst time I’ve done was my time at Brown Co. Jail… aaaahhhh horrible in every way.

I tell you what though, if you can’t take something away from this than you’re not trying. I deserve to be here. On those fateful days I broke the law and put the fear of God into some innocent people. I was not nice and did scare the hell out of those pharmacists! I will forever have guilt in my heart for scaring those poor people. This is what it took for me to see how far I had fallen. I’m living and seeing days that I never thought I’d see! Above all, I keep on smiling because life always offers you a second chance… it’s called tomorrow. (Thanx Jenni J)

Just another day, as always I remain myself and take it a day at a time!

Always,

Douglas